.
1988
1988
I was thinking about writing a book when I was pregnant with Lizzie, but as always,
never wrote it.
On the cover would be me, pregnant at age 40, and the title,
“He Told Me He’d Had A Vasectomy.” The art would be me, eight months along and bulbous, standing
on a map of the United States, making plans to move somewhere, anywhere.
It seemed like perfect ingredients for a comedy, the line
itself, “He told me he’d had a vasectomy,” said by a haggard, bony bloated
bulging pregnant woman….
Five years later my daughter was already this complicated
person.
Poor Lizzie.
Upon reaching age five, mother looked at her and started
seeing herself when she was five, and then mom started remembering something
strange that happened when she was five years old at the
hands of a pervert Catholic priest back in 1953 that explained everything …
And this whole journey began.
*****
There’s a big move on right now to disprove recovered
memory, saying people like me who experience it just make these things up.
In my case you can see my story is true by the way it's played out in my
personality. After recovering the memory of Father Horny diddling me between the legs, I turned into a completely
different person.
First there was the quieting of the bell jar, because up until 1995, everything in my
life for forty years was reverberating from that thing I was keeping
secret. When the thing finally came out,
when Lizzie turned five and I remembered what happened, everything in my life
became different.
God this is hard to write and explain.
Basically I went from being a whore to being …
ordinary.
Now I see how you can share
space with someone of the opposite sex without it being a sexual encounter. That in itself is so liberating.
-ke
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