After the second time I assaulted Cardinal Mahony on the street, a judge had me live in a shelter for wayward women instead of a prison sentence. At that East Hollywood kitchen table, I had the moment of recognition: I have a perfect excuse to kill somebody. Fiction coming soon at CofA Fiction http://cofafiction.blogspot.com/ 

What happened in 1994 is so significant. It is to the date the time this pain came in that is still crippling me today.  It is the reason I was diagnosed with PTSD in '95.  I was age 45 and found out that indeed that event I always remembered, a shadowy guy finger banging me age five in the woods, really did happen. My life went in a totally new direction. In conversation with my sister I found out April 1994 that Father Horne diddled her too. When Patricia got to be about nine, she was too old for his tastes, so he dropped her for me.  The realization that I had lived my whole life with sexual compulsions that destroyed everything, every job, every relationship, and the compulsions were not caused by me being an incorrigible whore but probably by this thing a Catholic priest did to me when I was five years old, and now my sister was confirming it really did happen-

That experience, that date, April 1994 is so significant.  

What do I have to do now to make the pain stop?