Purposeful Amnesia or Controlled PTSD

I arrived in Tahoe with amnesia. I don't remember anything in my life from before March 2016. I have this job, work shows up in my email, and when I complete it they send me a check once a month. That keeps the rent paid. To get the jobs, I email back and forth with a woman in Burbank, but I don't know who she is, I've never met her.
Pictures keep popping up on my screen of a beautiful young girl who looks a lot like me, her name is apparently Lizzie or Elizabeth, but I don't know who she is. Right after moving here to town, I had an ugly argument with a female that might have been her over FB messages, I don't know. The argument seemed to be the end of a long series of arguments that were very-very ugly.
I don't remember anything from before March 2016.
I also get email and items from friends on Facebook about the Catholic Church and pedophile priests. Those articles must have something to do with me, but I'm not sure what.
I don't remember anything from before March 2016. That's my way of dealing with the trauma, I call it controlled PTSD, manipulated and managed PTSD, purposeful amnesia to stop thinking about the horrible shit all the time.
Maybe that will help.

sigh 

Carried over from CofA25

Mr. Good Bible update

I tried to go to Bible studies but files for my job keep coming in making me work those hours.  Since I was age six, the first time they tried to kill me in the dump truck incident*, everything in my life has been guided by angels.  So I figure, if I've got to work, I’m better off making a little more money than I am going to classes where I may be exposed to dogma that, even though I look at it objectively, could taint my truth.

Anyway. The problem is, I was also going to use those Bible studies as a way to meet people. So not giving up on them, still going to try the 12 week series on the Sermon that starts next week, just blocks from here.  Just accepting that this is happening at a much slower pace for me than it would for someone else. I have to keep canceling potential meeting situations because of this screwy job that I do in a room at home by myself communicating with no one.

I guess that's god’s will for me.

It's also true that if too many people find out who I am and about my blog, things will get really uncomfortable for me, like they did in the last two places where I lived.

I guess I should gleefully embrace this isolation

Which includes every member of my family even my daughter

I spend the free hours I have wandering around and am grateful I've moved to a town where there is a tourist-y area, called "Heavenly" no less, the area around the Gondola, where people who are total strangers all walk about in a crowd.

I fit right in. 

*Dump truck incident http://cityofangels15.blogspot.com/2014/01/they-tried-to-kill-me.html 

happy labor