I lived with PTSD for 40 years, after molestation by a Catholic priest at age five. Read my story as I write it here through 2015.

This is a True Story

**See the R-Rated Version of This Story at CofA16**
Read ongoing coverage of pedophile priest crisis at CofA12
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Sunday, June 7, 2015

If anyone finds out who I am, I have to move again

Because I blog about pedophile priests. 

This really did happen. I post fiction at CofA Fiction

The day the building manager came to collect the keys, his hairpiece was tipped to the side more than usual making it hard not to laugh as we did the move-out walk-through. I must have still had a fragment of faith left, or maybe I was trying one more time to reach out to him, because as he walked away, I called out, “See you in heaven.”

He turned to me, his eyes as usual buggy with that idiot look you see on fundamentalist Christians, wide open and empty, but happy happy happy.  He said, “Yes you will see me in heaven, if you accept Jesus in your heart as your one and only savior.”  I fixed him with a glare, and the last fragment of faith fell off of me, permanently. 

I was moving primarily because of incidents with my very Roman Catholic neighbor Rudy. The first time I’d encountered the bony old man he had a three-foot-high statue of the Virgin Mary in his lap. He’d just gotten it in the mail so was whizzing around with it in his wheelchair, and it looked like a massive hideous Mary Mother of God erection rising up from between his legs. He even wore an expression of euphoria on his face as he buzzed around the building, hands on his mail order object, an image I will never EVER be able to get out of my memory.

When I moved in, I didn't know the manager / maintenance man for the Senior Complex was also a self appointed pastor / fundamentalist, who ran a weekly Bible study in the building.  He also corralled the residents through makeshift celebrations of Jesus to coincide with every holiday. Fourth of July flags festooned the grounds alongside crucifixes.  

When I moved to this senior complex, I was still under a cloud of leftover faith, so I thought it was “angelic intervention” that put me in a building where I would be “protected” by an active Christian landlord. 

Then I attended one of the maintenance man’s Bible studies, where he preached that Buddhists and persons who do transcendental meditation are condemned to hell for eternity because that's not Christian. I had to get up and leave muttering to myself, “What does he think Jesus did in the desert for forty days and nights, disco dancing?”

Stranger still, most the residents attended his weekly sessions with rapt attention. Several told me when we’d meet in the halls that they were certain Delbert was a holy man, with amazing insight, you just have to to come hear him speak more often, they’d say. One asked me, "Aren't you Christian?" I said, "Yes, I am, that's why I do not go to Delbert’s Bible studies," and left her standing confused. Another very reverent neighbor who decorated her door with American flags and posters of Jesus, would see me, get alarmed, and whisper, “Jesus Jesus protect me Jesus Jesus,” as she rushed to get away from me as fast as she could. And she lived right across the hall. 

So mostly, I tried to stay to myself in the building, which would have been fine if it had not been for Rudy.

The bony old man zoomed around the senior complex grounds in his wheelchair and at first I thought he was kinda cute, and tried to engage him in conversation.  But every word out of his mouth was “Goddamn son of a bitch,” or the equivalent, for any minor thing such as the mailman is twenty minutes late. Grumpy old man barely describes Rudy, so after one or two encounters, I tried to stay clear of Rudy too.

However, it turns out Rudy ran the CCR, what they used to call Catechism class, at the Catholic church that just happened to be across the street, and apparently soon after I moved in, he made the connection, maybe with the help of the pastor of the Church, I don't know how, but Rudy figured out who I was and read my blog, and he started to come after me.


You see Catholics think the pedophile priest victims were just out to destroy the Church, which is so untrue, I don't give a damn about the church.  


When I think back on that incident with the grocery cart, the image that comes to mind is of a bull scraping the ground with his foot off to the side, only this person is tiny, four and a half feet of aging male skeleton with a thin layer of skin over it- so tiny he only takes up half the wheelchair.  In that skull his eyes are over-sized glaring at me from the side of the breezeway.

It was by now several weeks since I’d let a couple people know the subject I write about on the blog and I was being frozen out of most conversations, the community rooms went quiet when I entered. They even changed the date of the Christmas party and told everyone but me, little things like that. 

But Rudy also had the church across the street egging him on in his ninety-year old fervor to protect his religion. 

Rudy would be watching on the sidelines when I went to get my mail, walk to the post office, head to the weekly farmers market. Whenever I walked outside there would be Rudy, his head bobbing on his neck over the bones of his body, just watching as if he knew, “Any minute she's going to do something.”  

One day I overheard Rudy say, “Her, she, the one with the hats” so I knew he was talking about me. Then he said, “the blue grocery cart.  She's keeping the blue grocery cart inside her apartment.”

When the grocery cart incident happened, I was still communicating with the manager, so I wrote him this email.

October 14, Email to Delbert: 

Subject line: He Came After Me

Yesterday morning Rudy saw me come out of the laundry room with the blue cart. He's been obsessed about me taking carts since I moved in here, which is insane enough.

Yesterday he came after me.

I saw the expression on his face as soon as he saw me with the cart, so I took the other elevator to avoid him.  When I got off the elevator, I soon heard him get off the other elevator and with his wheelchair going as fast as it could, he was zooming up the hallway to intercept me.

When he got around the corner, the look on his face was so full of hate and rage that I am now having nightmares seeing that image.

He raced up and grabbed the cart, then pulled it out of my hand, hollering something like, You don't need two of these carts, I know you've got another cart in your apartment.

I do not feel safe with that demented old man living downstairs, plus his parking space is right outside my window.  Can you please do something about it?

Kay Ebeling
2:00 AM October 15, 2014

With no reply from the manager, a few days later I followed up with this email:

Please tell me why the crazy man who chased me down the hall and grabbed something from me is still buzzing around the building in his wheelchair?  I can't even go to the market and back without encountering Rudy, and now how am I supposed to get my mail? 
Like I said, I do not feel safe here now.  He is fixated on me, chased me, grabbed things from me when I am using them. . . 
And now he's breezing around the building like there's nothing wrong at all.  
How Is That Okay? 
(A few hours later I sent:)

Menacing. The word for what Rudy is doing to me is menacing. 


I Thought You Told Rudy, as manager of the building, That he had to Stay Away from me. He's Not. He's doing the opposite. You told me you talked to him.
Now this weekend, he knows you are not here, and that Roger is off site, and he is taking advantage of that time to harass me.  He always seems to harass me during times when both you and Roger are off the property.
Rudy Is Not A Nice Person and I am in danger I can't go outside, he cursed at me just now so loud my ears are ringing. “You Bitch” he hollered so loud, with his mouth snarling and his face all scrunched up.
Delbert, please, this Is Out Of Control, he is not adhering to your instructions. I went out at a time when I was sure he would not be there and Still There was Rudy In the aisle on his wheelchair where i was walking to the market. He knows when I'm going out and puts himself there, menacing me, ON PURPOSE
He IS Harassing Me
I should not have to hide in my apartment to be safe here. 

November 3

The situation with Rudy got worse last weekend. He chased after me a second time and ALSO I saw him looking in my window as he rode by my apartment, TWICE.

Because apparently no one has punished him or sanctioned him, Rudy is now empowered and getting more aggressive with me. 

On Sunday Oct 26 on two occasions when I looked up, Rudy was riding by outside AND looking in my window. 

Then He Chased After Me Again.  I went down to put a note on M’s door.  When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Rudy was at the South end of the building. By the time I got to M’s door he was at the North end.  I heard him coming after me, his wheelchair buzzing. 

It freaked me out.  I felt menaced and stalked.  After he had yelled “You Bitch” at me so loud last week, why was he still riding all over the complex, causing me to feel like I have to hide in my apartment.

It got better after I talked to Roger on Monday about it. and for a while, Rudy did not bother me.

Then just now, Sunday November 2, I encountered him twice when I went outside to go in and out through the pedestrian gate on this end of the bldg when he lives on the other end, and it makes me uncomfortable.  I just missed him.  He seems to have free reign all over the complex while I'm the one who has to hide inside to avoid him.

He menaced me, chased me TWICE, screamed at me in the rose garden in a way that makes me know I can’t water the roses anymore.

That's what happened since my previous email.

Please talk to him again, as whatever you said to him the first time did not stop the behavior.

PS I think this all started because I had a letter to the editor published in the AV Press October 9 that Rudy read and realized it was me and it made him mad.  That may have been what got him so angry at me to begin with.  I think that is what happened

this was my fault, 
I got a letter to the editor published.

I've now learned, as the title of this post goes, that if anyone finds out who I am, I have to move.  But since there is such a flaming letters to editor page in the daily Antelope Valley Press, I could not help but pipe in one day with this one,

Dare ya to publish this one
To the Editors, AV Press: 

All of a sudden Eric Holder resigns. It looks like Obama's AG screwed up bad by being too benevolent to "nonprofits" that have Islam in their name. He allowed who knows how many dollars to flow into mosques that produced criminals such as the Tsarnaev brothers in Boston and Alton Nolen in Oklahoma.

This is the same Attorney General who said no when he had an opportunity to file federal indictments against Catholic bishops for aiding and abetting pedophile priest crimes back in 2009-10.  Now Holder has made the same mistake with Islamic groups, not believing a network of criminals could operate at the top echelons of a religion.  Holder will now no longer be our AG, but we have to deal with the consequences.  

Eric Holder did not prosecute the bishops just like he would not prosecute the imans. In the Catholic case it means dozens of felons are still in powerful positions influencing public policy. In the Islamic case, the entire nation’s security has been compromised.  

I hope someone besides me sees that the real problem here is the US Dept of Justice believing criminals are innocent just because they are leaders in religious organizations.

Kay Ebeling, Lancaster


Good letter, yes, but it blew my cover.  I'm sure when Rudy was meeting with the priest about his CCR classes, or when Delbert was surfing the web as he seemed to do every night until late hours in his office, someone made the connection, the person who did the blog that was out to tear down the Catholic Church is living in this apartment building.


Email to Delbert: February 4 2015

The other day Rudy BLOCKED my access to the staircase to my home. He saw me, stared straight at me outside the gate, and kept his wheelchair at the bottom of the stairs. Only way I could have come home would be to walk within inches of Rudy who sat there glaring at me. He saw me, saw I was waiting, and refused to move, just glared.  After a few moments, I gave up and, In Pain, had to walk all the way around to another entrance and staircase to get to my apartment.  
Rudy never lived up to the agreement to stay away from me, yesterday is proof. 
I am very unhappy with the way this situation was never resolved, it's obvious I am not as valuable a tenant as Rudy or my concerns would have been addressed.  I barely come downstairs anymore bk He Is Always Under My Apartment.  All you had to do was move his parking space instead you ignored my complaints and he never stopped harassing me. 
I'm moving out of the building as soon as I can, will give you 30 days notice in a few days, but you should know the way this situation was NEVER HANDLED is one of the main reasons I'm leaving


Putting Rudy right outside my window

Email from Delbert, February 5

"Sorry I wasn't able to satisfy you."

On February 6, Delbert gave Rudy the job of watering roses right under my window, so at any time of day I would look out or go out and see the old man in his wheelchair, water hose outpouring, staring back at me. 

I gave notice and moved 30 days later.

I tried to enlist help from the manager and he pretended nothing was happening. 

The manager who held long prayer sessions before every building event, who invited the priest from across the street over to pray over events, who right up to the day I moved pretended he had no idea what the topic is of my blog.

I finally moved.  Not just because of Rudy.  The whole city of Lancaster is full of people who live by the word of Fox News and whatever warped interpretation of the Bible made it to their neck of the Mojave Desert and nothing else.  

There are churches everywhere in Lancaster. Even the city logo has a cross hidden in it, supposedly a plus sign, but subliminally it really is a cross, you realize after watching a few city council meetings. 

I don't know though, when I look back at the image of the bony old Catholic man chasing me around in his wheelchair hollering at me and then when I complained about it, the building manager put Rudy in charge of watering the roses under my window, and considering how much the atmosphere changed all over the building towards me once a few people knew what I write about on the blog, I think I'm better off now that I moved, even though I did end up in the slummiest area of Tahoe, it's slums with nice scenery. And I'm not telling anyone my last name, or what I write about, until I know them Very Well, from now on. 

The day I moved, when Delbert said those buzz words, “If you have Jesus in your heart,” he waited for me to give the rote response Christians give each other, some kind of affirmation, oh yes I've taken him into my heart too, and now I am saved too, as long as I keep hating anyone who won’t say that. 

In the 18 months I lived in Lancaster, everything that was left of my faith disappeared, partly due to the incredible hypocrisy at this apartment complex, and all over the city there, people using Christian words to justify hatred and bigotry, and to promote ignorance.

Also while in Lancaster, I read the book, Misquoting Jesus, which was introduced to me by one of the more scholarly of the pedophile priest survivors, one of the few who is still communicating with me. 


Where I live now there are a lot of Seventh Day Adventists, and since I eat their diet, I’d probably love to be part of their church.  But I've arrived here in Tahoe in a state of never being able to enter any kind of church again. 

The whole time I was in Lancaster, Delbert [not his real name] pretended he never went online and read my blog, so when I started having problems with Rudy [not his real name], he feigned no understanding of how Rudy being active in the Catholic Church up the street might be part of my problem. 

It was my fault.  I made the mistake of writing a couple letters to the editor in the local paper there in Lancaster, and telling people I wrote about the pedophile priests, as I could not resist.  I won’t make that mistake again where I'm living now. 

I wrote this post because a lot of my Facebook friends and the couple people in my family who still speak to me think I'm imagining it when I say I keep having to move once too many of my neighbors find out who I am. 

It really does happen.


Actually the way Catholics react when they find out I wrote this blog makes it real obvious that “somehow” the church has gotten out the message that pedophile priest victims made up our stories because we're out to destroy the Catholic Church, turning the victims into bad guys and the bad guys into victims.

- Kay Ebeling

Other relevant posts at CofA Blog on how coming out in public as a pedophile priest victim affects one’s life


Oh I forgot to add: Bill O’Riley is one of the most brilliant writers out there today, according to Pastor Delbert. 


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