I lived with PTSD for 40 years, after molestation by a Catholic priest at age five. Read my story as I write it here through 2015.

This is a True Story

**See the R-Rated Version of This Story at CofA16**
Read ongoing coverage of pedophile priest crisis at CofA12
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Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Dear R, Dec 2011

December 2011: I often think, almost mourn, how wonderful City of Angels Blog could have been if there had really been a network of support.  I think about those weeks I was in New Mexico last year and felt totally unable to move, because even though I had the names of people to call and ask for documents, I felt like I couldn't.

Because I'm not part of anything.  I'm just a blogger and by 2010, I was only getting about 37 clicks on a post, which made me no longer a mover and shaker.  When CofA Blog was getting started in 2007-2008 I would get as many as 400 clicks after putting up a story.  Then instead of growing, my audience shrank, as one by one sites went from running to not running links to my blog.  Then there was that weird period where nobody would call me back, from mid-2008 all the way to 2010 when I just quit trying.  People would talk to me one week, then not talk to me the second time I called.  I am going through my files from that period now and notice in my notes, I have lots of "never called back" and me wondering what is wrong with me that people won’t callback. It feels better to say it's because someone told them not to talk to me, but it could just be the nature of the beast.

End result was the blog deflated, got smothered ‘til all the air went out.  I couldn't hold it together on my own.  It takes money to do journalism and every time I'd start to make money with the blog, "something" would step in and make it stop. My Google ads were taken down never an explanation why.  Examiner removed me.  The PayPal clicks just stopped, as no one was finding the blog any more.  

I just feel defeated, R, and like it's not worth the battle.  I have this amazing story to write based on my life, I mean, how many people can write about smoking hash with Tim Leary or creating a scandal at NASA in Houston? 

I'm discovering the comfort of isolation
(2014: Man, I was so down there for a while.)

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